Monday, 19 November 2012

Well here I am then..

Well who would have thought it ? 

Here I am , and I find myself a 54 year old , woman  living in  France, a single mother with 3 children and a veritable farmyard of poultry and other animals. 

It may not be what I planned for my life or what I dreamt of but I am enjoying it. I pot, I potter, I work with clay , cook, clean house ( barely) run teenage and pre-teen sons about the place ( often) , I teach English to  french students, and although  I spent most of my married life scared of being alone and frightened that my ( as it turned out) not so better half would  abandon me for another woman now it has happened  I find I am far far happier than I was before and no one is more suprised than I am. 

For the first time for many years I fell free and alive. I wake up each morning without the feeling of heaviness and dread which comes with living in a marriage full of lies. I no longer have  to tune my radar to signs of domestic disquiet , I do not have to be on duty at lunchtime to make sure the table is laid , lunch is ready and the house is in order. The purse may be emptier than before , household standards may have slipped but my heart is soaring so let the dust bunnies frolic all they will, let the spiders gain dominion high above in the ancient beams  and who cares if I haven't washed up the breakfast things yet.I am alive and enjoying every moment of it.

I am learning to let go of things that in the past would have consumed me with fear and worry. to be more tolerant and forgiving.  I am learning most of all to recognize my own happiness and to share that happiness with others. They say that one should treat today as if it were the last day of ones life but I cannot wait to see what happens tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

So in the words below ......

Life is for living enjoy it What are you waiting for?

1 comment:

  1. Brilliant! You've summed it up so well, and having travelled along some of your journey with you, I know that it hasnt been easy, but that you have 'risen above it'.