Restoration Man

I have just been watching, with a slight tinge of envy, a TV  programme documenting a  restoration of a very dilapidated lodge house from a long since vanished Country Estate in Surrey.

After an evening which started with a mad dash out to buy a  present for Middles friend who has invited middle over this weekend to celebrate his birthday, punctuated with the postman returning the children s Christmas present to their father marked "unknown at this address" raising the inevitable question of well if he doesn't live where he says he lives where does he live, and then culminating in a bout of   unadulterated   grumps from youngest  who is trying on the demeanor of  teenage truculence and finding he likes it, I found myself sitting alone on the sofa, sighing enviously as the courageous owners battled their way through numerous years of mud,, frozen pipes, snow and seemingly insurmountable DIY tasks to recapture, using traditional techniques, the beauty of their tiny  house and turn it back into the minuscule magical beauty it once was.

I think the thing that surprised me most was not my wistfulness at the rebuilding work , nor the final finished fairie cottage (although I love doing up houses and wish I had  the energy still to tackle a project like that, I do not seem to have enough umph to clear up the kitchen let alone an entire building project these days!) no, what caught me off guard was to discover myself wishing  that I had someone to share things with. Not necessarily a grand design but just life's little ups and downs . Perhaps someone to  take a turn at handling kids questions and taxi services, someone to  make me a cup of tea at the end of the day and tell me to relax put my feet up , even someone to turn off the lights check the doors are locked and turn on the washing machine before going to bed.


Whether this  was brought on by an unhealthy surfeit of happy ever after movies on Christmas television  giving me a bad case of emotional indigestion, or just simply  having had a week dealing with various hiatus ranging from foxes killing youngest's pet goose, several  hospital runs for anxious neighbours, and helping distressed friends talk through their dilemmas ending in my doing  too much for everyone else and needing to take a pause once in a while to give myself  time out, I do not know .

 In truth I  know I am happier being me even on a bad day than I have been for a long long time.  but whatever it is , it  only goes to prove  that whoever said you can't miss what you never had did not know what they were talking about.

2013 here I come!

The last wisp of 2012 and  a wish for 2013

Christmas has come and gone with all its hustle and happiness and now, in the quiet time that follows,  I can sit back in the suddenly empty  house, enjoy my own company and  look forward  with excitement and a head full of  ideas for this new year.  I love entertaining and having guests but the quiet that follows is wonderful as well !

It seems nature is looking forward too.  It may be only January 3rd but the  birds seem to think that spring is on the horizon and the hedges are full of  squadrons of swooping squabbling sparrows this afternoon. Our goats are definitely getting giddy  the youngest having taken to sitting on the kitchen window sill looking in whilst his father, being more forthright, head butts the door demanding I open it to scratch his head for him. Even our one remaining goose and duck have taken to marching up to the door to tell me its about time I got of this computer  I buckled down to business.

So Happy New year to you and let us all look forward to 12 months of  enjoying being ourselves.

The Cold Wind doth blow....

There is a distinct nip in the air today after a week of  wild wind and rain. The car locks were stuck tight , the ponds were frozen and the boys hitched a lift to college with a kind neighbour as my car wasn't going anywhere  in that weather, temperamental machine that it is.

As December  progresses minus temperatures are becoming the norm the dogs are quitting their kennels for long days by the fire, creating their own fur rugs on the carpet with the hair from their winter coats and the cats are reluctant to go out.We are all cocooning, as the French say, for the dark winter months ahead.

The season has its benefits though, a drop in temperature  brings with it   clear night skies and a myriad of stars to admire.

Confined to the sofa with my hand out of action I am snuggling down indulging myself watching travel and cookery programmes on television and looking forward to the school holidays and Christmas with all that both bring.

Blowing away with the cobwebs

Sometime in the night the wind has picked up and ushered all the last hangers on of the listless summer off centre stage and into the wings, like some over bearing stage manager, so that Autumn can make full use of the clever lighting effects of the season to show off her glorious red, yellow, copper and brass costume. The wind has pushed before it the heavy rain,washing away the mud on the road until it glistens like a black river in the moonlight on my drive home. All is clean and bare, ready for the approach of winter and eventually  Christmas.

The fires are lit, the curtains drawn and we are cocooning, as the french say, for the dark months of winter ahead and for the promise of snow.
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Well here I am then..

Well who would have thought it ? 

Here I am , and I find myself a 54 year old , woman  living in  France, a single mother with 3 children and a veritable farmyard of poultry and other animals. 

It may not be what I planned for my life or what I dreamt of but I am enjoying it. I pot, I potter, I work with clay , cook, clean house ( barely) run teenage and pre-teen sons about the place ( often) , I teach English to  french students, and although  I spent most of my married life scared of being alone and frightened that my ( as it turned out) not so better half would  abandon me for another woman now it has happened  I find I am far far happier than I was before and no one is more suprised than I am. 

For the first time for many years I fell free and alive. I wake up each morning without the feeling of heaviness and dread which comes with living in a marriage full of lies. I no longer have  to tune my radar to signs of domestic disquiet , I do not have to be on duty at lunchtime to make sure the table is laid , lunch is ready and the house is in order. The purse may be emptier than before , household standards may have slipped but my heart is soaring so let the dust bunnies frolic all they will, let the spiders gain dominion high above in the ancient beams  and who cares if I haven't washed up the breakfast things yet.I am alive and enjoying every moment of it.


I am learning to let go of things that in the past would have consumed me with fear and worry. to be more tolerant and forgiving.  I am learning most of all to recognize my own happiness and to share that happiness with others. They say that one should treat today as if it were the last day of ones life but I cannot wait to see what happens tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

So in the words below ......

Life is for living enjoy it What are you waiting for?